About Me

Fort Bragg, NC, United States
I'm a stay at home dad raising four beautiful children. I am the proud spouse of an Army Lieutenant Colonel. I do my best to keep up with the kids and all of their activities. I enjoy playing the bass and the occasional bass guitar building project. You can follow me on twitter if you so desire...@ArmySpouse007.

Friday, November 23, 2012

It's Just What We Do

Recently I was part of a featured article on a (now) well known husband of a woman who'd had a very unfortunate turn of events in her life. The article was about how he stuck by her side during the crisis she was going through. Half way through the article, the author mentioned me and my situation as being similar (although without the crisis part). He talked about how I was a supportive husband to an Army officer with a successful career.

While it was nice to hear someone saying kind things about how I've done my best to support my wife in her career, I was struck by a few thoughts that I thought perhaps he hadn't considered. I'd like to share them with you.
I think that a lot of people perhaps have the idea that we, as male military spouses, have given up more than others in supporting our soldier spouses. Having been a military spouse for close to 14 years now and having met so many different spouses over the years I can tell you that this isn't true. As spouses, we all have sacrificed much in support of our soldiers, sailors, and airmen. Whether or not we are male or female makes no difference. What it boils down to is this: we love our spouses and we will do whatever it takes to support them.

While it's true that many in the civilian community don't understand the challenges that we face, if our roles were reversed I don't think they'd be any less supportive than we are. Yes, we understand that we are also serving our country when we give up our careers and move all over the country so that our spouses can answer our nation's call. But I believe it's more than that. We act out of more than just service and willingness to sacrifice. We act out of love.

The truth is, we do what we do because we love our spouses. Yes, they are in the military, and yes, that does pose stresses and problems that most wouldn't ever have to face. But it doesn't change our commitment to our loved one. When I married my wife, I had no idea about what was ahead. I've been told many times that I "knew what I was getting into" when my wife was leaving on yet another deployment. Sorry, but no, I didn't. No spouses does. HOWEVER, that does not change my support and love for my wife. And, I might add, had I known what was ahead, I still would have made the same choice. When you love someone like I love my wife (and most likely, like you love your spouse) you don't pick and choose the circumstances in which you'll maintain your support. Whatever the cost, whatever life brings our way, my love and support of my wife will never change. "For better or for worse" aren't just familiar terms used in a marriage vow. They are a promise that was made and the outward expression of a depthless love towards my wife.

Here's the thing: I'm not alone in this. I'm putting this all in writing here on my blog, but I'm far from the only one who feels this way. As military spouses, we set aside everything because we love our service member. It's just what we do. And it won't ever change.

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You can follow me on Twitter if you so choose... @Armyspouse007

5 comments:

  1. As always...awesome and inspiring words from you. Thanks for all you do.

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  2. Well said....and your wife is awesome.

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  3. Well said! I didn't follow my husband around out of some sense of martyrdom and I never thought I deserved plaudits for it. I did it because to be with anyone else would have been ridiculous.

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  4. Blog noted via aforementioned article.

    As the (prior) service menber who deployed three times in three different decades on two wives - not a part of #1's issues, fortunately - I have seen the continued evolution of spousal issues - and the escalation of women's service has perhaps changed the demography, but some things never change.

    As a single sailor I contributed to an unofficial maintenance fund through the Chiefs in our division to assist a couple families while we deployed to the Med (the Cold War days) barely making it. Later, as a married physician in the AF, we felt obliged to assist as possible in several messy circumstances, even fostering a child during a separation and divorce aided by TDY indiscretions.

    I have seen several female physician colleagues go though major trials with their male spouses - certainly not the same as a service member's level of trauma, given the differing financial issues, but even so the lack of male spouse support in the medical community - even the level of distrust or disrespect shown the male spouse is unfortunate as well as unproductive.

    You have my utmost respect for the challenges you have undertaken - sure, "Mom's do it 24/7" is all fine and good, but the social issues have not changed, and even more that a few of my "progressive" colleagues have negative attitudes toward male spouses even while supporting Women;s Rights to achieve, etc...go figure. Keep the faith, and remember that despite 30 years of practice and 5 years of service, I consider my major accomplishment to be two daughters, independent and educated, and 27 years of marriage to a fine women of independent mind and action.


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  5. Tim, another fine post articulating your support for Devon. We all support her and you and your family during the deployments by being there with her, completing our mission together. I am proud to have been a member of her team. I wish you all well this holiday season.
    Mary Mehan

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