It is so important to allow our spouses to have a role in the raising of our kids. Now, I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that for my wife that involvement was paramount. She'd missed so much while she was gone and was absolutely craving the very things that used to tire me out! I think it is hard for us to realize or imagine being deprived of our kids for a year or longer. The danger, then, is trying to keep a hold over everything. All we end up doing is isolating them from their children. They need to be a part of their lives and we need to divest ourselves of some of that responsibility. You want to sink your marriage? Stifling your spouse's role in parenting is an easy route!
Obviously, finding out which roles each of you will play is the hard part. That's why I continue to harp on the fact that reintegration is a no-joke process. So many don't realize all that is involved with finding the "new normal" in our homes. It isn't just about raising kids. It is about fixing dinner, doing the laundry, reading the bedtime stories, doing the grocery shopping... you get my drift.
I've said this before, and it is worth repeating again and again: A strong marriage will get you through a deployment. Hard work and dedication to that marriage will get you through reintegration and lead you to a stronger marriage. Before you know it, life will become normal again.